Being a beginner
I’ve always struggled to say no. Whether it’s fear of missing out (FOMO) or just my eagerness to get involved, I often find myself saying yes—even when I probably shouldn’t.
During a recent trip to San Diego, I was enjoying my stereotypical morning matcha when my friends decided to go for a morning surf. They urged me to grab a wetsuit and join them. Now, here’s the thing—I’m not a surfer. I want to be. The idea of gliding across waves, wind in my hair, screams freedom and coolness. But the reality? I grew up in the countryside of the UK, miles away from the nearest coastline. The closest thing to a board I’d ever stood on was my brother’s skateboard—a brief and embarrassing attempt to fit in with the “cool” boys at school. Let’s just say it ended with me face-first in the middle of a park, my pride more bruised than my knees; Essentially, my track record with board sports was less than stellar.
Still, I couldn’t bring myself to admit my inexperience. I grabbed a board, suited up, and headed toward the water, pretending I had any clue what I was doing. The next hour was, in a word, humbling. I spent more time underwater than on the board, flailing as waves dragged me in every direction but the right one. My friends still cheered me on, their laughter both encouraging and painfully honest. It was mortifying.
But as I sat on the beach afterward, exhausted and trying to not cough up all the saltwater I’d inhaled in front of everyone, I guess I had an epiphany. Why had I been so afraid to admit I was a beginner? Why did I feel the need to act like I knew what I was doing when it was clear I didn’t? That morning, I made a promise to myself: I would no longer shy away from being a beginner. It’s okay not to know what you’re doing, and it’s okay to learn at your own pace. In fact, there’s joy in the process.
There’s a trend going around where people film themselves lying in the middle of pavements or approaching strangers with unexpected requests or remarks as a form of rejection therapy. The goal? To get comfortable with discomfort, embrace vulnerability, and ultimately build confidence. At first glance, the whole thing seemed absolutely absurd to me. But I had to give credit where it was due—it was oddly admirable. I couldn’t help but think about how uncomfortable it would be to lie in the street, wondering whether people would rush over to check if I was okay, or worse, walk by without a second glance, leaving me there like some kind of public spectacle or crazy lady. Yet, watching these videos stirred something in me. They reminded me of that moment in the surf when I questioned why I cared so deeply about what other people thought.
As humans, we crave validation. It’s not essential for survival, but it sure feels good. However, when we let go of the incessant need to please others, we create space for something more meaningful: growth. The truth is, why would we want to surround ourselves with people who expect perfection? There’s a unique freedom in embracing the messy, imperfect process of learning —whether it’s surfing, trying rejection therapy, or simply being vulnerable enough to admit you’re a beginner at something.
Being a beginner teaches you humility. It reminds you that mastery takes time, effort, and a willingness to look a little silly along the way. It’s in those moments of struggle—fumbling with a surfboard, missing the wave, getting knocked down by life’s proverbial currents—that you grow. You learn to laugh at yourself, to embrace the process, and let go of your attachment to the outcome. The beginner mindset is something I had to teach myself; accepting that I won’t be ‘perfect’ at first and that mistakes are just a natural part of learning. I tried (and still continuously trying) giving myself more self-compassion in all areas, reminding myself that learning new things really can be challenging, as well as finding a supportive community around me makes the learning progress just as fun.
That morning on the waves might not have made me a surfer, but it taught me something far more valuable: the beauty of showing up, trying, and allowing yourself to be a work in progress.
Since then, I've taken surfing lessons in Indonesia and can happily say I am now an avid surfer whom maybe still gets smashed around just as much as actually being up on the board, but will not be afraid to join my friends given the opportunity again.
